Useless Boy

I was out the other day in Kreuzberg (an area of Berlin) & took this 'snap' on my Mobile!!

If anyone is interested, this is the Office where it all happens. This is the "Blog.co.uk, Blog.de. Blog.xx" offices. This is where all your posts are cared for. They have offices on one of the floors & it's full of people & PC's. Lots & Lots.

I've been floating today, now I'm just "Comfortably Numb"!!. What an excellent feeling!!!!!

I was on the Street Markt, at Tiergarten, this afternoon. Super, Fresh, Cold, Weather. I found a piece of my youth, "Pink Floyd, The Wall". Years ago I sold/gave away all my LP's. Since then I have been replacing them with the CD versions.

"The Wall", It's mine now!

To re-live my full memory, I've been a little bit 'out of it' this afternoon. Lying on the Bed, in the dark, Room spinning, Headphones on v-loud. What a classic feeling! The sounds, music, words, story.

I'm back to normal now (almost), Headphones are still on v.loud, but I've moved onto some more recent music (Röyksopp).

Classic Memory..

I remember travelling to London for a weekend to see "The Wall" at Earls court. We didn't have any tickets, so had to buy some on the Underground (for far too much!!).
Long hair, painted jeans, Trench coat (Original with a Bullet-hole in the side!). We watched the greatest concert ever? The wall was built during the first half, The airplane in flames (wouldn't be allowed now!), the giant puppets, the images on the walls. dah de dah de dah....

Was anyone else there? Call me Worm!

The last week has been so cold here.

It was -16ºC the middle of last week. It's been cold for over two weeks now. When I say cold I really mean cold. It's cold enough that people could die. In fact, people have died here in the last two weeks. I've been on Ski Holidays in the snow, this is something else!!

OK, some places have been worse. Russia, for sure! This shitty cold weather came from Russia & has managed to warm up as it's crossed poland. Last week it was -36ºC in poland. In one evening, 105 old people died in an Old-folks-home because the heating failed for a few hours.

So why am I happy about the temperature today?

"Herta Berlin' vs 'Hannover 96"

We support Hannover 96, but live 10 minutes on the U-Bahn from the Berlin Olympia Stadion, home of Herta BSC (one of the enemies!). The Bundesliga (The German Premiership) restarted today after the Christmas break & naturally, this is a big Football game for the Boy & me!!

Preparations for todays match were;

• Normal underwear & socks
• Ski Underwear & socks over
• Thick Trousers
• Two T-shirts
• Hannover 96 Shirt (of course)
• Boots, Gloves, Scarf, Hat
• Ski Jacket

We must be prepared to spend 3 hours in a unheated stadium.

After the match, "WE WERE FREEZING!!!" It took an hour back at the flat to get my limbs moving normally again. So, I am really glad it was only -6ºC today. If the game was last week I think it would have been too dangerous & could have been cancelled, or we would have died!!

The Result

Hannover took an early lead, but just before Half-time the captain (LaLa) was sent off after getting a second Yellow card. So the second Half Hannover defended quite alot, but still had chances. At the start of the 3rd minute of 3 minutes of added time Herta scored the equaliser.. What a bummer!! Still Herta were at Home, against 10 men. I sure they're more disappointed than us!!

I was out this evening with Birgit. We had a meal & a really good evening. We didn't go anywhere 'busy' so I got just back about 2am. I sent an sms to see if it was still awake so I could collect coffee's from McD's as I came out of the U-Bahn (Underground). It was awake & wanted coffee.

When I get home I can hear the coffee machine working in the Kitchen.. That's strange I have coffee for us!! I go in the kitchen. It has put the machine on, not put the jug underneath properly, so now the coffee is overflowing. There is water & Coffee Grounds along one of the worktops & part of the floor!! Am I mad? Not really.. The stupid arse has thought about making coffee, & it is the thought that counts.

But why has it made coffee when I'm bringing some..... Because its a little drunk!!

I notice it has a stupid "puppy dog" smile. The eyes are a little strange, half closed. His movements a slower than normal. Yeap!! Drunk alright.. But he is happy & funny. We sit together at the kitchen table talking. At one point, I ask him a question & he gives that surprised "What!!" & looks around for who spoke. I must look away to control my laughing.

Suddenly I ask him "How many Beers then?". I expect the standard Boy answer of none!! But no he comes back with "I had three!". he then voluteers all the details about where & with who. (I get a list of Girls names, like the role call for a Broadway show!!).

My final words as he goes to bed are "You'll be sorry tomorrow!!"

What have I learnt tonight?

I already knew it was popular with the Girls, I have absolutely no idea why!!. I also learnt that it belongs to the group that gets funny & friendly when, a little, drunk. Which is much better that the "I want to fight" group. But best of all, I learnt that alcohol is like a "Truth-Drug". It cannot lie, I got the answer to absolutely everything I asked, & it smiled while telling me!!

A post by lyndlj last night started a train of thought that ended with me thinking about what I really miss from my life?

Friends

I'm a contractor so it's normal to meet new people, make friends & then 'move-on'. But I really don't miss these people that I've worked with, drank with, had good times with. Occassionaly I would come away from a contract with a friendship that has lasted. These are real friends as once you leave a place only friendship can keep you in contact. So I move, they move & I now have a few good friends all over!! But I don't miss being around these friends. We email occassionaly, meet maybe once a year, sometimes closer to two years.

The other people... don't care about, or miss..

Places

I like to go back to visit my parents, but I'm really not interested, & have no drive, to re-visit the places I grew-up. I remember these places with great happiness, but the time has gone & I feel no need to keep this connection to the past. The places I've work I remember, but again will never return.

Family

This is the most important group. I travel to see my parents a few times a year, both for me, but more for my son. I try to see my Brother & Sister when I can, but we all live apart so it's not always easy. For some reason my mother, & her mother before, find it special if we can ALL be in the same place, at the same time.

I don't mind meeting everyone seperately.

Dead People

I think few people can reach 41 years old & not have contact with death. Almost all the older relations have gone. Maybe some friends have gone. People from 'the Office' have had fatal accidents, or illnesses. You know for sure there's no more conversations with this group (Oh, maybe later if your religious). Whenever someone (or a Pet) has died I have always picked a single thought to remember them. Often something small & trivial, but something to make me smile inside. Then later, when this stupid little thing happens in my life, that person springs into my head.. I thing that is nice & how it should be.

But there are two people that the little thing doesn't apply to;

My Uncle George. He died quite some time ago so these memories don't come because his death is fresh in my mind. I seem to have grown up with this guy. He was my mother's sister's husband. I remember as a baby always being left with him while the sisters went shopping, or somewhere. He was funny, we fought, laughed. As a very young child I have more memories of him than of my parents. I remember him now quite often. I can't say how often but maybe once a month.

And My Grandma (mother's side). I remember the day she died. I was 17 years old. That's 24 years ago & I still think about her most weeks. I don't dwell on her. But she is in my thoughts. I wish I could have told her just how special she was before she died. But I really didn't know that she was. I'm almost 100% sure that whenever something happens to remind me of her I end up almost laughing. She was so funny, but never told a joke. I just found her funny. I don't believe in God & the afterlife etc etc. But if there is one single reason for me to want to believe, it's so that my Grandma could know how I feel, but never said.

I never cry... But I am now. I'll have a coffee pause... Ok back.... last section.

People I've never met

Sounds strange! But this section goes to my Gradma's husband.. My Granda. He died when my mother was young, so I never met him. He could entertain at parties, sing, was popular in the village & was a constant source of amusment to my Mother. She speak's so often of him. And as I've got older, she has said how much I am like him. How interested he would have been in all the things I'm interested in.

If I find a "Genie in a Bottle" tomorrow & get only one wish. I would meet him!

Originally one of the reasons for the move to Berlin was to learn more German. At the start I did some courses, talked alot & got some certificates. However, the last 6 months I've been reduced to grunts in the Supermarkt & odd discussions in shops about why things I've bought, I would like to unbuy..

I found that once away from the classes the writing & grammer stopped. I've become so scared that I'm not learning anything new & am probably starting to abuse the language as bad as I ever have that I felt it was time to act. So I started another evening class. Just a couple of hours a week, but enough to have a teacher correct me again.

Saying German is difficult to learn is a complete understatement. For me it has been a complete battle. There are rules for this, rules for that. The German language also has a really special rule; 'Every rule has exceptions, lots...'

Enough negative!!

It is nice being able to walk around the City & understand what the locals are rabbiting on about! I have no fears of going anywhere & asking for anything. And the feedback from most of the German people is fantastic.

Their thinking goes something like this...

1. Someone's talking to me... what does he want?
2. What's wrong with his voice?
3. Oh, he has an accent, must be a foreigner!
4. That's nice, a foreigner speaking German, in Germany.. I'll be very nice.
5. What is that accent? ... That's an English accent!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. My God! English people speak English, they don't need to speak another Language
7. An Englishman speaking German. I'll be extra extra nice..

Then in a Shop talking to a woman I can often get...

8. Oh the English accent is so 'soft', he can't say the 'hard' sounds... How sweet!!

Then finally, & this has happened alot!!

9. I'll do something extra.. Maybe a gift/sample, a chocolate... let me see.

So, I come out with somwthing extra, or

10. I haven't got anything. I'll give an extra big smile

It has been on a 'Sozialpraktikum' for just over a week. All the kids must do it. They must spend time working in schools, old-folks-homes etc etc. Something for the community.

So, it has been in a primary school. Every evening I've had the

"Oh, I'm so tired! Little kids are such hard work dad!"

But, you know? I really think it is realising some things in life are hard work, but good. It has really been enjoying all this working-with-kids stuff. I am surprised (& pleased).

So, what's with the post title?

Well, It must do a little presentation about working with kids, the school, people, goals, what's happened etc etc. So ithas been busy since 'school' today working away on the Computer & doing something with paper...

Homework (definition: Anything for school that occurs outside of school) is not normally a popular subject in this house so, I've been walking around tonight a bit &

The temperature on the Balcony was -12°C earlier today. I would hate to be out in the Dark & Wind now.. But, the reason for the post....

I was out running(skating?) yesterday, just before it got dark.

FIRST:

Dear "Lovely Couple Holding Hands"... Get out of the way.!! For god's sake!!

The streets have old snow piled at the sides. There's not a great amount of passing space. I'm running along & meet this couple, Hand-in-hand swinging their arms between them, enjoying the romantic walk, taking up the whole path. Am I so wrong to expect that they bunch-up a little to make some room, or maybe go single-file for a few seconds!! Not a chance, I must run into all the Snow piles at the side of the path..

SECOND:

This town has wonderful cycle paths everywhere. They're nicely marked in red stone. Pedestrians must NEVER be on these areas when a Bike comes along!! This is a BIG NO-NO in Berlin. The minimum penalty is to be deafened by bells. But we have Snow/Ice at the moment. The snow machines are better at keeping the pedestrian ways clear so now the Bikes are coming up behind me & "RING", "RING". I must move!! What a cheek!!

Morons!!

Here's a very rare photo. It decided to make Coffee this evening. Normally the routine is to wait until I make Coffee & then say "Great, Coffee!".

Obviously it couldn't wait this evening!

I am constantly surprised how something that appears to have so little Brain function knows exactly when to make an appearance, normally just after;

- the Potatoes have been peeled,
- the Coffee is ready,
- the Washing Machine has been turned on,
- the Dishwasher has been Emptied
- or one of a thousand other little items is complete

It's also worth noting that the Flat is approx. 22 degress & after just coming out of the shower a 'Hoodie' & 'Cap' have been immediately re-applied.

Strange creatures.....

So I had a House & was sitting in the Car, next to my Gorgeous girlfriend (& she was!), on my way to see the Vicar & talk about Wedding dates. Problem was I hadn't asked the Girl to marry me yet!! But that didn't matter because she had discussed it with her mother & everything was sorted.

Buying the House had been a good financial idea. We had bought the house & it had been like a little hobby for me. I had ripped almost everything out! It had a new floor, Electrical wiring, Central heating. I'd had a great time, never really throught too much about actually living there.

We finished with the Vicar & everything was done. It took me a while to get used to the idea. I wasn't exactly into this permanent bonding thing. We had been going out together forever, but I was still only 20. Still it was decided & who was I to upset everyone? But then again, Why not? She was everything I could have wanted; Beautiful, Sexy, Friendly, Loving etc etc.

In fact I'm feeling a little strange now writing about Alexandra. Even her name turns me on now. I don't think she ever knew the height of my physical attraction to her

Live goes back to normal after these things, & it did. Work, evenings out, sport, hobbies & the approaching Wedding. We both still lived with our parents (You did in the 'old' days), but we were often together. Normally on a Sunday she would come around late morning & we would go off somewhere. One week, late morning passed & early afternoon arrived, this became late afternoon & finally became early evening... Then, she arrived.

"I have something important to tell you!", "I've met someone else"

"Little shocked" was a total understatement. Then came the story. This guy had started in her Office a week ago. ONE WEEK AGO!!! They had become friends & played squash twice. After squash this particular morning he had asked her to dump me & be with him. They wanted to buy my half of the house & finish it together. I never met this guy, I never wanted to.

I was upset (No, I was fuckin' devastated!!) But being the 'Romantic', 'Soft Shite', 'Easily trodden-on Insect', that I was, I let them buy my half of the house. As they were so eager to build their love nest, I got my asking price without a problem.

So, I had to start my life again. It was very, very hard. I was upset for months. But people recover from these upsets. I got a new life, a good life. I was having such a good life I decided that I really didn't want to meet another Girl, at the moment. I wanted to live a single life for a long time. I was completely happy again.

I was, most defintely not "Getting married"!!!

Next... "History #3 - A phonecall & a chance meeting"

I just received an invite to join Flixster from it, so I joined!!

It's not a bad idea. After joining you take a little test where you rate 50 movies. The score is then used to show you other members with similar tastes. The idea being, members form little communities where the film ratings are averaged. When you watch a film/dvd etc you enter a rating on the site & if you are interested in a new film /DVD etc you can see the score from 'like-minded' members.

Obviously, my initial group is part of a community of its. I must change this or I'll get recommendations for "Ace Ventura: Pet Dectective" - Arhhhhh!!

These History posts will not be about my normal day-to-day life. They are about how it all started & what has happened to put me where I am now.

So, where am I now seems a good point to start. At this moment in time I live in Central Berlin with one of my Children. We moved to Berlin for several reasons, the main ones being that I wanted my Son (& Me) to live in a Major European City. I thought a major city like Berlin had everything to offer;

- Entertainment, lots of cinemas, shows, festivals, sport etc
- Art & Museums, lots and every sort
- People to meet, A real Mix from all over the world
- Parks, So many with Lakes, trees & the biggest inland beach is here!!
- Big world events, Live8 was 15 minutes walk from the Flat
- School, He attends a "State" run school that is Bilingual (English/German)

Ok, Berlin has no work at the moment & the highest unemployment in Germany (28%). But I knew this when I came. I am a freelance Software Engineer & had earned so much money I decided we could live in Berlin (Lot cheaper than London) for a while without working. We have been here almost two years now. Me not working meant I could be around for my Son. I have used the time productively also. I have studied more Mathematics & learnt German. Maybe when the Money is almost gone I can get a Job in Berlin using my Knowledge of English & German together??

Has it helped my Son?

Well, thats the point of this Blog. I'll write about the day-to-day life of a teenager with his Dad, but maybe when I look back on it all, I can see if it was the right decision. At the moment I see a massive difference in my Son's outlook on life. His school has people from 30 different countries, his school year has 12 different nationalities. I see his awareness of people changing. Yes, he has some of the "I don't like people from xxx (insert a country here) attitudes", but even the best of us have these if we're honest.

Berlin has wierdo's, Drug areas, Violence. But every town/city in Europe has that. Here it can be seen. It's not hidden away like small towns. I have opportunities to see these things with my Son & we talk about these things (Please don't get the image there is Drugs on every corner). So far I'm happy we live here.

Coming soon .. "History #2 - Getting Married"

The plan was a big group of its (see Note 1) are going to the cinema, eating & then my it will be staying at a friend's house. I know most of these its, so I'm not worried about mixing with the 'wrong' groups.

My problem is..
Over the last day I have been given more & more information about who is going & what they are doing, this is not normal!! I've had

"Oh Dad, did I say?, Lucas will be there too!!"

or

"Look at that sign, maybe we'll go to see that film"

Voluntered information makes me suspicious.

My Theory is..
Based on absolutely no real evidence, I get the feeling they are all meeting, they are going to the cinema, they are eating, but the last part is not right. I have been given too much information about the evening in an attempt to hide the part I shouldn't know. I think he is staying the night at his Girlfriend's.

My Plan is..
When he comes back I will find the holes in the story, I am patience. It will be a slow process and I will be discrete. And when I know, I may have to have one of these 'shit' father/son things about making "New People".

Note 1. An it can be male, female or Gay. I use the same brush for all.

The boy can't keep anything going. If I can manage to motivate it to join anything, & stick in more than once, I get a overwhelming sense of achievement.

I was not surprised, a few days ago, when it announced that it was getting a little unfit & will start to run some evenings. I was surprised when it actually did run the first time. I was amazed when it asked me to go the second time & I had to have a calming drink when we ventured out for the third time this evening. I run regularly, so going with it is absolutely no problem, in-fact I will look forward to future outings.

Extra points here: I don't think we have had a single day above zero degrees in Berlin since the start of the year. The last few days it has snowed again. So this evening we were running through the Park with below zero temperatures & Snow.

I hope this post shows we do have a relationship together. I just don't always understand what happens in his head. And he definetely doesn't have any idea about the "real" world things that happen in mine. (sometimes happen in mine).

What can I say...